The Story Of The One Monocle
by Gollum girl2003 Coraline
Summary: One shot. In this one shot, Haldirs a rasta, Orophins a Tellytubbie fan and Celeborns asleep. Oh, and Galadriel needs anger manegment. Please R


**Hello all! I had this in my head for a while, and it was annoying my split personality so I thought I would let it out. Well, it was either that or a boxing match between us. So, we hopes you enjoy...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even a monocle *sniff* I wish I did have a monocle though, their cool.**

_For a moment, just imagine if there were lots of dimensions, in one it went as normal: Frodo destroyed the ring, Aragorn became King and Eomer got the title of King Aardvark. Or ,in another world, Pippin and Merry had never stolen carrots, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins answered the door to the Dwarfs instead of Bilbo and Lotho ,her son, inherited the Ring and Frodo never had been adopted by Bilbo. What if Fan Fiction stories were made into real worlds or possibilities The Lord Of The Rings could have gone. If in Middle-Earth slugs had their own One Ring and tried to destroy it and some strange place in the universe, this was happening..._

"_I amar prestar aen_. The world has changed. _Han manoth né nen. _I feel it in the water... It feels like moss. _Han_ _manoth né chae._ I feel it in the Earth... That feels weird, like old fish cake wrapped in foil, huh, I must look into that, anyway. _A han nostan ned gwilith_. I smell it in the air... It smells like jammy dodgers and paddling pools.  
Much that was once is lost; for non now live to remember it."

"Lady G, Lady G. LADY G!" Called Orophin and Haldir, the two brothers had dropped eaves and not put them back. Tut tut, those naughty elves.

"WHAT, I'm trying to do an awesome dialogue thingy here." The Lady Galadriel fiddled with the long and rather annoying sleeves of her white dress; wondering if she could make then into ropes to hang the marchwarden and useless elf citizen.

"We remember it." Said Orophin.

"Are you even that old?" Haldir asked, "I know I'm not... At least, I don't think I am"

"Shut up you two!" Ordered The Lady Of Light (who was so important we had to put capitals in all of her title, or she would pour sacred water on our heads and make it swell up like a balloon). "Anyway, where was I...? Oh yes. It began with the creating of the great glasses: three horn-rimmed glasses for the Elves; because we're awesome with a bow, and we all have awesome names! Seven sports sunnies for the Dwarf lords, rewarded for being very kind to Snow-white; plus they needed a bit of excercise. And nine, nine Foster Grants were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power, and cabbages but they prefered power. Within these glasses were the power to govern each race. But all of them, were deceived for another glasses type was made..." Galadriel was interrupted by loud music is the background, she stomped of to where the noise had come from.

She found herself in the woods of Lothlorien, where Orophin and Haldir were playing 'I'm Sexy And I Know It' full blast while working out. "TURN IT DOWN!" Galadriel screeched, glaring daggers at both of them. Quickly, Haldir through the stereo against a rock, breaking it immediately.

"Haldir, what the hell?!" Cried Orophin.

"Well, she is the Lady Of Light, she could pour sacred water on us and make our heads swell up like balloons." Replied Haldir, Orophin screamed like a girl and hid behind Haldir.

"Right then, good we got that sorted, now I'll go back to Celeborns story time. Well, he's mistaking it for his story time. I usually do terrifying ones about maths and sorts of which makes him have nightmares. Haha, these are good days. Well, they aren't not but Celeborn wise, they _**are**_ good." Galadriel stopped chuckling to herself and walked gracefully to the place she was (which is probably Celeborns bedroom). "Errr, oh Valar... I forgot where I was." She said to herself, clearly annoyed. She looked around like she was checking if anyone was watching and took a script from the sleeping Celeborns night hat and quickly read it. "Ah, right. At a shop named Sports Direct in The Giant Shoebox of Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron created a master glasses type - One Monocle to rule them all! In this he reflected his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life. "

Haldir could be seen side stepping onto the screen shot, looking all-round terrified. Seeing as Galadriel's the wisest elf, or at least one of them, she saw the march warden straight away. Celeborns hat fell of as he turned over in his sleep and the script fell onto the ground; Haldir picked it up. "One by one, the free lands of Middle-Earth fell to the power of the Monocle... But there were some who resisted." He read, ignoring Galadriels desperate attempts to grab the script. "A last alliance of Men and Elves marched against the forces of sports direct, and behind the cashier table of the shop; they fought for the freedom of Middle-Earth. Victory was near. But the power of the Monocle, could not be undone." Galadriel grabbed the script from Haldir.

"HALDIR! You did no expression what-so-ever. Go away and watch Tellytubbies or whatever you do." Galadriel told him, quite severely. The march warden pranced of to watch Tellytubbies with Orophin. As Galadriel was about to continue the dramatic dialouge there was a massive... "EYO! TELLYTUBBIES, TELLYTUBBIES, SAY HELLO! EYO!" The Lady Of Light winced, meaning PJ had exactly 2.7 minutes until she was going to kill Celeborn; why its Celeborn nobody knows. She whipped her head round ,slightly startled, to find Haldir and Orophin watching Tellytubbies and each dressed up as one!

"YOU TWO! YOU'RE RUINING MY DRAMATIC DIALOGUE HERE!"

"Sorry." They both muttered.

"Anyway, Isildur, son of the king, killed Sauron with a metal railing... Thingy. And stole the Monocle." Galadriel continued, wondering why he had hired Haldir to be a marchwarden. The two brothers were currently singing 'everybody loves Bob Marley' **(A/N: Bob Marleys a living-now past-on Legend, who's with me?) **while wearing dreadlock wigs and doing the Irish jig. _A strange combination. _Galadriel thought. as Haldir and Orophin sang "BOB, BOB, YA DID A GREAT JOB. OH, BOB, EVERYBODY LOVES BOB MARLEY. EVERWHERE I GO ITS THE SAME OLD STORY, BOB! PEOPLE OF ALL NATION, THEY LOVE THE RASTA MAN VIBRATIONS!" By then, Galadriel had had enough and decided to gabble the rest. "The-Monocle-betrayed-Isildur-and-some-things-that -should-not-have-been-forgotten-were-lost. History-became-legend,-legend-became-myth,-and-for -two-and-a-half-thousand-years-," Celeborn then woke up, he was the craziest of the trio. In the process of getting up, his hat fell of revealing the battered script, he put on his Monocle and read it.

"The Monocle came to the creäture Gollum, who took it deep into the Misty Mountains. And there, it consumed him. For five hundred years, it poisoned his mind; giving him unnatural long life. Until it was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: A hobbit, Bilbo Baggins of the Shire. For the time will soon come when Hobbits will shape the fortunes of all." There was a sudden _bing_. "DINNER TIME!" Celeborn shouted and ate the script.

"Oh Valar save me." Galadriel moaned, face-palming.

* * *

**Finished! This is a one-shot guys, sorry. It took long enough, two days! My Dad works on the computer so I'm not allowed on it much. Please review, I welcome, questions, constructive criticism but not flames. Flames should be used to torture Dobby and creating Legolas clones.**


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